Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize