My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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