He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
