i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
