then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
