I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize