At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize