i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize