Swine flu. Run for my life!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
