im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
