Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
