I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
