you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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