was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
