so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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