I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
