I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize