I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize