I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
