we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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