you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
