ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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