i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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