Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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