Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
