is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
