I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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