i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
