we have officially lost it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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