He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
