so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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