I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am naked and annoyed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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