were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
3 2 1 whiskey
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
