Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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