the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
