I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
