My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
