Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize