he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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