I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
