I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
