remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
