allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's always time for handjobs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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