I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize