And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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