I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
