ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
