The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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