My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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