Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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