I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
