my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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