Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
