she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
