bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize