I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
