she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
