I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
