I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
