I need help removing her.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize