..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
