WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
