I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did I show you my penis last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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