Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
