Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
