Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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