Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
